Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Banned for Life

Swings at Coney 2
Out at Coney Island

I read an article recently about a guy who confessed to some sins and pranks in his self-written obituary:
"Val Patterson said his life motto was "Anything for a laugh." And after the 59-year-old died of throat cancer last week, he owned up to a few humorous events from his life... He admits, "I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971." And in a far more comical confession, "Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again." And to top it off, Patterson seems to have had a string of run-ins with theme park officials over the years, writing: 
"To Disneyland - you can now throw away that 'Banned for Life' file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.""  (Source)

A-#1) I like this guy's style.  I mean, not the thievery, nor the deception, nor smoking habit.  Not those parts.  But the imp-ish, prank-ish side, and the self-written obit - those parts I kinda dig.

A-#2) I wish I could get 'Banned for Life' from Disneyland.  Because if I ever have kids someday, I don't particularly want to take them there.  I will take them to Cedar Point (if I must), and Colonial Williamsburg (learn something, why don't ya), and Spongeorama (kids love kitsch).  But a trip to the Disney Empire sounds like a nightmare, to be perfectly hyperbolic.

And to be completely unfair, as well.  My parents took me to Disney World in my youth.  So really I should just suck it up and take my (imaginary) kids there, too.  Let the circle remain unbroken, and all that jazz.

Still, it would be quite convenient if I were just outright banned from having to experience the magic of the Magic Kingdom.

"Sorry, kids, we can't go visit Mickey.  And that's not only up to me, it's also enforced by the state of California."

I suppose one doesn't even have to go to the trouble of getting themselves banned.  One could just tell their kids they are banned.  Or - as long as we're making up stories - one could tell their kids that Disney burned down, a la Jack Handy:
“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
I guess that's dancing awfully close to deception, though, which I already claimed to be against earlier in this blog post.  So the more upright approach to avoiding Disney is probably to get myself banned.  Or have an honest conversation with my (imaginary) kids.

You know what?  I don't need to figure out how to play this one.  Not quite yet.

Off to take care of some pranks requiring my more immediate attention...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My next vacation is definitely revolving around Spongeorama.