Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Gimp Chronicles
Episode 3: Pirate Booty

The boot does its job by immobilizing my left foot. Because I can no longer roll that foot, my gait becomes awkward and slow. I get very little forward propulsion from my left leg now; my right leg is doing most of the work and the left leg comes clomping behind it.

As I get used to walking this way, I'm still trying to determine the most efficient way to move. Does it help to try to open my stride? Or is it better to take shorter steps? Should I be bending my knees more or less? Can I employ any of my figure skating skillz to help me here? (The answer to that last question is - of course - "no," but I always like to ask that in whatever situation I happen to be in.)

In addition to the ease-of-movement dilemma, I am also concerned with how my new walk looks. Vain, I know, but I can't help but be a little concernced that stilted clomping is just not how a girl goes about bringing sexy back. So I'm thinking about throwing in a little wiggle-waggle, toe-point, hip-sashay to class up the clomp, step, clomp, step routine.

Further, I've become aware that my new walk looks not entirely unlike how you might imagine a peg-legged person moving. Step, clomp, step, clomp, repeat. And I'm reminded of all the times I've callously told people that I was pretty sure my ex's new girlfriend had a peg-leg. (Just this week, in fact, I told a friend that I was certain her ex's new girlfriend had a peg-leg, too!) Not cool, Kristy. Having a peg-leg is a serious hindrance. I can see that now. I repent of my peg-leg insinuating ways.

See how this booty experience is already making me all sensitive and compassionate 'n stuff? I think it's a step-clomp in the right direction.

[Read the rest of the Gimp Chronicles here.]

1 comment:

Coasting Anon said...

Have you found that the boot has made people any more chivalrous?