So...I hate my job. And since the moment a few weeks ago when I gave myself license to be unhappy in my job, I have been in an ever-increasing state of discontent.
Lately, in the mornings on the train, I have to force myself to exit at the stop for my office. I keep entertaining thoughts like, "What if I just stay on the train? I won't get off and go to work. I'll just keep riding. Yeah, I'll just ride up to the Bronx like J.Lo. And when I get there, I'll turn around and come back. And I'll just ride the subway all day, and it will be a kind of experiment, where I deprive myself of natural light and air, and also do some intense people watching/eavesdropping, and I'll use my findings to write a book, or at least an article, so it won't be a wasted day." So far I haven't given in to this escapist fantasy; instead I sigh a big self-pitying sigh, exit the train with other workaday commuters, and drudge up the stairs to my building/"jail."
As you may have noticed, I have a very bad attitude. My attitude is much worse than my actual job. I mope and fight back pitiful tears and roll my eyes and quit (in my head) several times a day. I can't imagine that I am a very pleasant person to work with or for lately.
I am beginning to realize what an ungrateful jerk I'm being, too. I mean, at least I have a job at all. And it's a fairly cushy job at that, when you think about what so many people in the world have to do for a living. I'm a spoiled kid from the suburbs who has had so much just handed to her - now complaining about the trivialities of her white-collar management position. Ick.
So I will try each day to have a grateful heart. I will try, try, try to focus on the positive aspects of my job. (Um, I'm sure there are some. I'll think of some...). I will keeping forcing myself off the train in the morning.
And I will try to spend an hour a day updating my resume, reading "What Color is Your Parachute?", and searching monster.com. Because enough is enough. :)