The Allure of the 'Burbs

I've been a city-dweller for over 10 years.

And I love it, mostly.  I love not having a car, I love the pace, the adrenaline, the ever-available distractions, the bragging rights (look, I made it here so I can make it anywhere, or so I've been told), the diversity, the history, the bagels, the bars, the street carts, the characters, the sights, and the sounds.

Except...maybe not the sounds.  Maybe I'm not as immune to the sirens and horn-honks and shouts and calls and clanks as I'd like to think.  And maybe the bright lights of Broadway are exciting, but there's also something to be said for the dark stillness of that street where I grew up.

Stephen Colbert once remarked "If you can’t get it at midnight in New York, it probably doesn’t exist."

He's mostly correct, with the possible exceptions of "quiet" and "dark."  Those two commodities are awfully hard to come by at midnight in the city.

All this to say: I slept amazingly well in the suburbs this week.

And I may be in the market for blackout curtains and a white noise machine.

Things That Go Bump

One morning last week, a metallic crashing noise woke me before my alarm had a chance to.  It was still darkish outside.  The clock read "6:00 a.m."

My first thought was that my AC unit had fallen out of the window.  (I still haven't installed it properly, post-move.)  I lay there, trying to decide whether I thought that was hilarious or horrible. The line between the two is pretty thin at 6:00 a.m.

When the crashing noises continued, though, I realized it couldn't have been the AC.  My second thought was that it must be a homeless person, pushing a dumpster down the street and hitting it with a baseball bat. (Clearly. Had to be.)

But the noises sounded too close to be on the street, two stories below.  And they weren't stopping, and I wasn't sleeping, so I decided to investigate. I quit my bed, crept over to the window, and peered out into the darkness.

There was a man, standing six feet away from me. 

Crap-on-a-stick, I said (or something like it).  I hadn't expected to see a person hovering outside my third-floor apartment. A shocked second later, I remembered that a billboard space is attached to the exterior of my building. And this man - wearing a white hard hat with a light attached - was not levitating but rather standing on a small ledge, plastering over the old billboard poster with a new ad (this one for a Spanish-language cooking show, Hombres En La Cocina!)

Mystery of the metallic noise now solved, I went back to bed.  But couldn't get back to sleep, because changing ads proved to be a loud business.  So I lay there pondering why this business needed to be done at dawn, when the ad man needed to wear a fancy hat to see, and this girl needed earplugs to sleep.  Could it not have waited til 9 a.m.?

Wait, don't answer that.  Just remind me - who was the one that wanted to wake up in a city that never sleeps?

Oh yeah.  That was me. 

Folks, sometimes dreams really do come true.

She Makes the Connection

After spending all week plagued by un-productivity (uh- what word am I looking for there?) I realized today that perhaps my lack of sleep might have something to do with my lack of production. I've been getting about 5 hrs of sleep per night since Sunday (and for no good reason, really).

You mean I actually need to be well-rested in order to think, function, produce, create?

Yes, yes - just maybe. Why is this point so hard to drive home? Why don't I believe it enough to make sleep a priority? If only I feared lack of sleep as much as I fear revolving doors, E.T., spiders, Eastern Equine Encephalitis, and the Big C (as in Chow Yun-Fat), things might be different.

Sigh.

Wanted

I need an alarm clock that doesn't take 'no' for an answer.

One that pinches me if I start in on any of that "5-minutes-more" foolishness.

Yes, a clock that uses physical force if necessary.

Perhaps it should even get snarky and ridicule me a little.

Call me names and prey on deep insecurities.

(though NOT in a way that makes me want crawl back under the covers!)
(in a way that gets me angry & awake & ready to prove the clock wrong.)

Speaking of covers, this alarm clock should have the capability to steal them from me.

Above all, it should instill FEAR in me.

(Maybe by threatening to release a mouse in my room if I don't get out of bed immediately)


Does such a device exist? I'm going to check the Sharper Image catalogue now.

On Sleeping & Screaming
1) Sleeping: If you have 5 minutes, I highly recommend you check out this article by one of my favorite (non-fiction) writers, Lauren Winner. Entitled "Sleep Therapy," the article explores sleep as a counter-cultural discipline, and theorizes what a lack of sleep means for society, in general, and the Christian, in particular.

Those of you who know me know of my perennial struggle with the Snooze button - the temptation of which magically decreases in proportion to the amount of sleep I get. The more I sleep at night, the less I need to snooze in the morning. I know this, but I don't live it. And thus I am late to work, less productive, and on and on. So 2006: hear me now! I am resolving to sleep through you. Because as Lauren writes, "to sleep, long and soundly, is to place our trust not in our own strength and hard work, but in Him without whom we labor in vain."

2) Screaming: Speaking of trusting in our own strength, I wanted to share a point from the sermon this morning at the Village Church. Rev. Sam spoke on chapter 8 of the Gospel of Mark. I often quote Mark 8:33 ("Get behind me, Satan!") in semi-jest, such as when certain nay-sayers belittle my professional figure-skating aspirations. But taken in context, Jesus' words to his disciple, Simon Peter, are rather harsh and shocking. What was so upsetting to Jesus that it caused him to liken his friend to "Satan"?

Jesus had just revealed to his disciples that the "Son of Man must suffer....be killed and...rise again." And hearing this, Peter began to rebuke Jesus. His words aren't recorded in Mark, but the Gospel of Matthew tells us that what Peter said was essentially, "No way, man! That's not going to happen to you!" (free translation :)

Why was Peter's attitude so troubling to Jesus? Maybe because he was trusting in chariots and horses (Psalm 20:7), trusting in his own strength. This is the same Peter who will pull a sword to try to prevent Jesus' arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane. Did he think that by might, he could prevent the inevitable Passion? In Mark 8, Jesus accuses him of not having "in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

This idea of human sufficiency and self-reliance must certainly be a very bad, no good thing, to warrant such harsh words from Jesus. Why? Because those who are self-reliant have a hard time recognizing their need for a savior. Thus human self-sufficiency is a useful tool for Satan, because it can keep us from Jesus like nothing else.

"And yet," Rev. Sam asked, "Wasn't self-sufficiency and 'believing in yourself' the message of the last heart-warming Disney movie you saw?" Aren't these ideas valued by our society? Aren't they the stuff of the American dream?

Like getting enough sleep, the decision to not rely on your own strength is indeed counter-cultural. If we're watching a movie that encourages us to believe in ourselves, because the key to success lies within each and every one of us, well, Rev. Sam said, "We ought to be running from the theater, screaming in terror." (that's a funny mental image, eh?) The trap of self-reliance should terrify us, because it keeps us from daily declaring our need for Jesus.

Personally, I rely on my own strength at work every day. I have trouble admitting weaknesses, and I don't ask for God's wisdom and strength as often or as urgently as I should. I try to do it all on my own. So tomorrow, when I start to feel myself fall into the trap, I'm going to run screaming from my office. Or......maybe I'll just go to the bathroom and pray. :)