KristyWes

The Holidays Approacheth

The countdown has begun. One week until Thanksgiving and five weeks until Christmas. You know what that means - time to get cozy and jolly and thankful and...shopping.

And for my brother and me, it means it's time to get to trash-talking about who will score the more hideous gift for the other one. I enjoy participating in said trash-talking, but deep down I know I have no hope of besting my brother. He wins every time.

Here is a transcript of our recent Facebook chat/smackdown. This is gearing up to be a particularly frightening gift-giving season. Heaven help us. And Steve Buscemi.

* * *

Brother: Oh Sister Where Art Thou?

Sister: I emailed you last week and you didn't respond, so I figured we were feuding. If we were not feuding, then I apologize for all the slanderous remarks I have made recently regarding your character.

Brother: Has my honor been slandered by a foul-mouthed trollop? Feud is on!

Sister: Anyways. Do you have anything fun or interesting to tell me?

Brother: I got your Christmas present already.

Sister: Is it a Zebra-print Snuggie, or is it a surprise?

Brother: No Snuggie for you. Yours is something much, much bigger.

Sister: My apartment is the size of a walk-in closet. I have no room for something bigger. How big are we talking??

Brother: Bigger than a bread box.

Sister: NOOO!!! How much bigger than a bread box? Is it smaller or larger than a Miniature Schnauzer?

Brother: I'm not sure it will fit under a bus; we might have to Fed-Ex it home for you.

Sister: Is it an inflatable sofa? Does it make noise? Is it perishable? You gotta give me some hints.

Brother: It's not inflatable; it makes noise, and is perishable. Before I tell you, let me ask a question: have you ever considered Chinchilla farming as a career?

Sister: You can't Fed-Ex an animal. It's not an animal is it?? Is it a guitar made out of cheese?

Brother: Actually your gift is a gift of 7 parts - you might not see how they work together, but you have to have a little faith. Speaking of Christmas, the parents will be ok with having one more person over, right?

Sister: Are you talking about Steve Buscemi?

Brother: I meant my girlfriend, but do you really think we can get Steve Buscemi this year?

Sister: It never hurts to ask, right? I bet he doesn't get a lot of invites because people always assume "Oh, Steve Buscemi probably has other plans."

Brother: It must be lonely being Steve Buscemi.

The End.