Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Holidays Approacheth


The countdown has begun. One week until Thanksgiving and five weeks until Christmas. You know what that means - time to get cozy and jolly and thankful

And for my brother and me, it means it's time to get to trash-talking about who will score the more hideous gift for the other one. I enjoy participating in said trash-talking, but deep down I know I have no hope of besting my brother. He wins every time.

Here is a transcript of our recent Facebook chat/smackdown. This is gearing up to be a particularly frightening gift-giving season. Heaven help us. And Steve Buscemi.

* * *

Brother: Oh Sister Where Art Thou?

Sister: I emailed you last week and you didn't respond, so I figured we were feuding. If we were not feuding, then I apologize for all the slanderous remarks I have made recently regarding your character.

Brother: Has my honor been slandered by a foul-mouthed trollop? Feud is on!

Sister: Anyways. Do you have anything fun or interesting to tell me?

Brother: I got your Christmas present already.

Sister: Is it a Zebra-print Snuggie, or is it a surprise?

Brother: No Snuggie for you. Yours is something much, much bigger.

Sister: My apartment is the size of a walk-in closet. I have no room for something bigger. How big are we talking??

Brother: Bigger than a bread box.

Sister: NOOO!!! How much bigger than a bread box? Is it smaller or larger than a Miniature Schnauzer?

Brother: I'm not sure it will fit under a bus; we might have to Fed-Ex it home for you.

Sister: Is it an inflatable sofa? Does it make noise? Is it perishable? You gotta give me some hints.

Brother: It's not inflatable; it makes noise, and is perishable. Before I tell you, let me ask a question: have you ever considered Chinchilla farming as a career?

Sister: You can't Fed-Ex an animal. It's not an animal is it?? Is it a guitar made out of cheese?

Brother: Actually your gift is a gift of 7 parts - you might not see how they work together, but you have to have a little faith. Speaking of Christmas, the parents will be ok with having one more person over, right?

Sister: Are you talking about Steve Buscemi?

Brother: I meant my girlfriend, but do you really think we can get Steve Buscemi this year?

Sister: It never hurts to ask, right? I bet he doesn't get a lot of invites because people always assume "Oh, Steve Buscemi probably has other plans."

Brother: It must be lonely being Steve Buscemi.

The End.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Um, most adorable Christmas kids pic EVER! The one piece pjs? In front of the tree? Sweet giving and receiving? Sibling love? Who knew that the two of you would grow up to be every babysitter's nightmare in Burke, VA. But now, let's just reflect on the sweetness of this yuletide scene...