KristyWes

Singing "Surrey with the Fringe on Top" In Front of Ira

I thought I had my entire day planned out, but what I hadn't planned on was running into a certain someone with his certain someone at my bus stop this morning. The possibility of such an encounter had vaguely troubled me ever since he informed me (sometime last month) that I now lived on the same block as his new girlfriend. New York is a city of infinite possibilities, millions of people, and five boroughs...what are the odds that I would randomly move to the exact same block as this girl? I marveled at God's sense of humor, wrote a bad poem, sought friends' affirmation, then tried to forget about it.

That is, until today, when the situation presented itself unavoidably at the bus stop. Though my first instinct was to run in the other direction, I reasoned that was not something an almost-29-year-old should do. So instead I smiled and said "hello," accepted his awkward hug, and politely shook her hand. Thankfully, we were relieved from our strained small talk by the arrival of their bus after only a few minutes. As they rolled away to brunch, I called Chantal for support.

I bemoaned the fact that the girl was not named "Ethel" nor did she have a lazy eye (as we had previously schemed), and Chantal very wisely pointed out that she probably has a peg-leg or something, currently disguised under winter clothing, but it would be most unsightly during the summer. This made me feel better; not so much for its likelihood, but because it reminded me that I have good, supportive friends. :) I was further reminded later in the day, when Denise supposed that it was highly doubtful the girl was a natural blonde, and that there was no way her butt looks as good as mine. These are true friends, indeed; they know just what to say to cheer me up.

The mystery remains, however, as to why I needed cheering up in the first place. I couldn't figure out why I cared. Why should a brief encounter with a boy, who I broke up with almost 9 years ago, have such an emotional effect? And why would I hope that his current girlfriend would have an ugly name or lackluster character or a prosthetic limb, even? I have come to a few preliminary conclusions:

1) Being a girl is annoying. Or at least, it can be when it comes to emotions. A wise friend said to me recently that often the things we admonish ourselves for are the things that make us human. So girly emotions, frustrating though they may be, are part of my human condition; I will try to just accept their presence, though not necessarily act on them.

2) There are lasting consequences when we do things apart from God. My relationship with this boy was certainly apart from God, so it is understandable that there may be lingering effects and messiness and awkwardness left to sort through, even 9 years later. This too is part of my human condition. Yet see #3 below for the good news...

3) God does not leave me alone to sort through the above items. I am in need of continual grace: grace to let go of vanity and jealousy, grace to heal, grace to truly seek and pray for the peace of others, grace to believe God's promises, grace to see myself through His eyes and not through other people, and grace to (gracefully) survive awkard small talk at bus stops. And happily, God's grace is abundantly available; I just need to remember to keep asking for it.