Friday, August 19, 2005

My first employment experience was at Domino's Pizza. I started off answering phones, and eventually added such responsibilities as: making subs, washing dishes, and putting toppings on pizzas (when we weren't too busy). I learned a lot about pizza, and myself.

I discovered that if you accidentally send a sub wrapper through the pizza oven, it will burst into flames. And that some customers have no respect for their arteries, such as Mr. _____, who ordered a deep dish extra-cheese and extra-bacon Meat Lovers pizza every Friday night. I also learned that you can construct a simple, yet effective, explosive projectile device out of pizza dough and mayonnaise. Perhaps most importantly, I learned that it is a nasty, nasty thing to have to clean out your manager's cup of chewing tobacco spit.

When, after 3 years, it was time for me to move on from Domino's, I didn't submit a formal resignation letter. Instead, I chose a decidedly less classy route, whereby I threw an empty Coke can at one of the drivers, scratched my name off the work schedule and ran out. That was then. This is now:

Dear Terry:

I hereby tender my resignation from Domino's Pizza, effective immediately. My reasons for leaving include continued verbal harassment from Rob the driver, coupled with the desire to pursue a more lucrative career, i.e. one that pays more than $5.75/hour. Although I am sincerely grateful for that last $0.15 raise you gave me.

I do also appreciate the support and guidance you provided me with throughout my tenure at Domino's. Although we did have some rough patches (like when Dave B. locked me in the walk-in freezer), I will always have fond memories (like when we built that fort out of pizza boxes).

My last shift will be tonight. I will stop by next week to pick up my final paycheck. At that time I shall deliver all property of the firm in my possession.

I wish you, the entire phone girl department, and everyone at Domino's Pizza (except Rob) all the best for your continued success.

Sincerely,

Kristy

3 comments:

Girl said...

Dear Kristy,

Unfortunately, at this time, we are unable to accept your resignation. A two week notice is required as we need time to train the phone girls in tabacco-spitting-cup cleaning techniques. Please also note article 7, chapter 3 of the employee handbook where it clearly states that all resignation letters must be written in dough using slices of pepperoni.

Thank you very much for your attention to this matter.

Regards,

Management

Anonymous said...

Kristy, I love your blog, you need to write more!!

S

P.S. How do you get on the waiting list for the Amish book? I have someone on my Christmas list who desperately needs it ;).

Anonymous said...

Kristy, you're a fine girl, what a good writer you would be. Your lines they could steal a sailor from the sea. . . . sadly you don't create enough of them! (Matt says "nagging is the worst kind of whining because it's about me!" How do you feel about it?).